KEVIN DEYOUNG
As we approach the end of the year, many of us will take time to reflect on different areas in our lives. There is nothing magical about the turn of the calendar page. Yet if the flip from December to January causes us to think about what’s really important, I’m all for this little bit of common grace.
Some of us will put together new exercise goals. Some of us will find the right Bible reading plan for next year. Some of us will zero in on a new schedule for Bible memorization. All of these are important (especially the last two). Let me suggest one other plan for the end of the year: check in on your marriage.
As a pastor, I’ve seen too many marriages flounder (or fall apart) over the years. The church usually is good about rallying around a couple for sympathy, counsel, and comfort in the midst of marital trials. What we may not be as good at is helping each other before the problems become acute. We need a place for marital triage in the church, but we also need regular check-ups.
Here are 15 questions to help you and your spouse take the relational temperature of your marriage:
- How often do we laugh together?
- When is last time we had a meaningful conversation about something other than our schedules or the kids?
- Do we ever turn on music and sing and dance and act silly?
- How many times in the last month have we prayed together or read the Bible together?
- Do we ever hold hands?
- Has our physical intimacy grown cold, infrequent, or a source of too much pressure and stress?
- When is the last time we said “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you”?
- When is the last time we said “Thank you” for regular, ordinary task like making dinner, doing the dishes, paying the bills, fixing the car, or folding the laundry?
- When is the last time we (cheerfully!) said, “How can I help you this week” (and meant it)?
- When is the last time we surprised each other with a gift, a note, or a night out?
- Have we raised our voices at one another in the last month?
- Are we more eager to spend time with someone at work, at church, or at the gym than we are with each other?
- When we have time together at home, just the two of us, is the television always on in the background?
- Are there hurts or sins or fears that we need to disclose to one another?
- How might the love of God the Father, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit shape our life together in this season of marriage?
Not a perfect list of questions, certainly not an exhaustive list. But perhaps it’s a start. God’s grace flows best in marriage when we are talking together.
【年終婚姻健康檢查】
譯者／Lin
在接近年尾的時候，很多人會花些時間思考生活中的點點滴滴。其實翻過日曆的最後一頁並沒有什麼神奇的魔力，但如果從12月到1月的翻頁能讓我們思考什麼是真正重要的事，那麼我絕對贊成這個普遍性的恩典。
有些人會訂立一些新的運動目標；有些人會為下一年尋找適合的讀經計畫；也有些人會重新擬定一個經文背誦時間表，這些都是很重要的（尤其是後面兩項）。我想建議另一項年末計畫：檢查一下你的婚姻狀況。
身為牧師，我在過去的年月裡已經目睹太多婚姻的掙扎或破裂。在婚姻的試煉中，教會通常都善於陪伴在一對夫妻的身邊，給予同情、忠告及安慰。但我們或許不太善於在問題惡化之前就彼此幫助。在教會裡，我們需要一個為婚姻問題進行診斷的地方，但我們也需要做平時定期的檢查。
這裡有15個問題，幫助你和你的配偶測量一下你們婚姻關係的溫度：
1.我們多久會一起開懷大笑一次？
2.除了日常事務和孩子之外，我們上一次有意義地交談是什麼時候？
3.我們是否曾經播放音樂一起唱歌、跳舞，或一起嘻嘻哈哈？
4.在過去一個月的時間裡，我們曾一起禱告或讀經幾次？
5.我們是否有過手牽手？
6.我們肢體上的親密是否已經開始冷淡，次數變得稀少，或導致過多壓力和緊張？
7.我們上次說 「對不起」或「我原諒你」是什麼時候？
8.我們上一次為做晚飯、洗碗、支付帳單、修車或疊衣服這類平常的事說「謝謝」是什麼時候？
9.我們上一次樂意並誠心地問：「這週我能幫你做些什麼？」是什麼時候？
10.我們上一次用字條、禮物或約會給對方驚喜是什麼時候？
11.在過去的一個月時間裡，我們是不是曾經對彼此說話大小聲？
12.我們是否更樂意與單位、教會或健身房的某個人相處，多過與配偶共度時光？
13.當我們在家有時間一起相處的時候，尤其就只有我們兩個人時，電視是否一直開著？
14.我們是否有什麼傷痛、罪行或恐懼需要向彼此坦承？
15.在我們婚姻的這個階段，如何能讓父神的慈愛、主耶穌基督的恩惠及聖靈的感動重新塑造我們共同的人生？
這不是一個完美的問題列表，也的確不夠面面俱到，但也許它是一個開始。當我們一起交流的時候，上帝的恩典將會在婚姻裡有最好的流動。
本文引自福音聯盟網站：An End-of-Year Marriage Check-Up
https://www.fhl.net/main/writer2/writer2241.html
