KEVIN DEYOUNG
As we approach the end of the year, many of us will take time to reflect on different areas in our lives. There is nothing magical about the turn of the calendar page. Yet if the flip from December to January causes us to think about what’s really important, I’m all for this little bit of common grace.
Some of us will put together new exercise goals. Some of us will find the right Bible reading plan for next year. Some of us will zero in on a new schedule for Bible memorization. All of these are important (especially the last two). Let me suggest one other plan for the end of the year: check in on your marriage.
As a pastor, I’ve seen too many marriages flounder (or fall apart) over the years. The church usually is good about rallying around a couple for sympathy, counsel, and comfort in the midst of marital trials. What we may not be as good at is helping each other before the problems become acute. We need a place for marital triage in the church, but we also need regular check-ups.
Here are 15 questions to help you and your spouse take the relational temperature of your marriage:
- How often do we laugh together?
- When is last time we had a meaningful conversation about something other than our schedules or the kids?
- Do we ever turn on music and sing and dance and act silly?
- How many times in the last month have we prayed together or read the Bible together?
- Do we ever hold hands?
- Has our physical intimacy grown cold, infrequent, or a source of too much pressure and stress?
- When is the last time we said “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you”?
- When is the last time we said “Thank you” for regular, ordinary task like making dinner, doing the dishes, paying the bills, fixing the car, or folding the laundry?
- When is the last time we (cheerfully!) said, “How can I help you this week” (and meant it)?
- When is the last time we surprised each other with a gift, a note, or a night out?
- Have we raised our voices at one another in the last month?
- Are we more eager to spend time with someone at work, at church, or at the gym than we are with each other?
- When we have time together at home, just the two of us, is the television always on in the background?
- Are there hurts or sins or fears that we need to disclose to one another?
- How might the love of God the Father, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit shape our life together in this season of marriage?
Not a perfect list of questions, certainly not an exhaustive list. But perhaps it’s a start. God’s grace flows best in marriage when we are talking together.
【年终婚姻健康检查】
译者／Lin
在接近年尾的时候，很多人会花些时间思考生活中的点点滴滴。其实翻过日历的最后一页并没有什么神奇的魔力，但如果从12月到1月的翻页能让我们思考什么是真正重要的事，那么我绝对赞成这个普遍性的恩典。
有些人会订立一些新的运动目标；有些人会为下一年寻找适合的读经计画；也有些人会重新拟定一个经文背诵时间表，这些都是很重要的（尤其是后面两项）。我想建议另一项年末计画：检查一下你的婚姻状况。
身为牧师，我在过去的年月里已经目睹太多婚姻的挣扎或破裂。在婚姻的试炼中，教会通常都善于陪伴在一对夫妻的身边，给予同情、忠告及安慰。但我们或许不太善于在问题恶化之前就彼此帮助。在教会里，我们需要一个为婚姻问题进行诊断的地方，但我们也需要做平时定期的检查。
这里有15个问题，帮助你和你的配偶测量一下你们婚姻关系的温度：
1.我们多久会一起开怀大笑一次？
2.除了日常事务和孩子之外，我们上一次有意义地交谈是什么时候？
3.我们是否曾经播放音乐一起唱歌、跳舞，或一起嘻嘻哈哈？
4.在过去一个月的时间里，我们曾一起祷告或读经几次？
5.我们是否有过手牵手？
6.我们肢体上的亲密是否已经开始冷淡，次数变得稀少，或导致过多压力和紧张？
7.我们上次说 「对不起」或「我原谅你」是什么时候？
8.我们上一次为做晚饭、洗碗、支付帐单、修车或叠衣服这类平常的事说「谢谢」是什么时候？
9.我们上一次乐意并诚心地问：「这周我能帮你做些什么？」是什么时候？
10.我们上一次用字条、礼物或约会给对方惊喜是什么时候？
11.在过去的一个月时间里，我们是不是曾经对彼此说话大小声？
12.我们是否更乐意与单位、教会或健身房的某个人相处，多过与配偶共度时光？
13.当我们在家有时间一起相处的时候，尤其就只有我们两个人时，电视是否一直开着？
14.我们是否有什么伤痛、罪行或恐惧需要向彼此坦承？
15.在我们婚姻的这个阶段，如何能让父神的慈爱、主耶稣基督的恩惠及圣灵的感动重新塑造我们共同的人生？
这不是一个完美的问题列表，也的确不够面面俱到，但也许它是一个开始。当我们一起交流的时候，上帝的恩典将会在婚姻里有最好的流动。
本文引自福音联盟网站：An End-of-Year Marriage Check-Up
https://www.fhl.net/main/writer2/writer2241.html
